Yesterday, I went to my friends' house (happily married for one year) for a dinner party. I swear that I expected myself to be jealous of them, and to have wanted what they had; each other, stable job, house, investment properties, car, wanting kids, solat jemaah everyday n all..
to my own surprise, what i felt was on the contrary. Instead of wanting that life, i felt that i was glad that i didn't jump into it when i was younger, and i totally couldn't imagine myself going through a life like that at this age.
i can't believe i am saying this, but i was more appalled of the idea of typical-malaysian-wedded-life, to have to conform to the common expectation (family), and to go with the flow and whatever shit. whatever happened to the spirit of wanting to be carefree and being spontaneous, and to do whatever shit, things, stuff that i like. Gosh, i just put myself into the not-a-wife-material category.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy that my friends are happy together, and I salute you all who are happily married, and to have the courage to make the lifelong commitment. Just that.. I don't see that for myself, not anytime soon.. I want to be carefree at the moment. to state the truth, marriage and being carefree does not go together.
I am sorry baby..
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